Where I want to be

I really want to take a new direction for this blog.
I started trying to chronicle a whole variety of different things from my perspective, movie reviews, food reviews, funny anecdotes. It just didn't match up to anything coherent.
I recently stumbled on a blog called Baggage Reclaim (www.baggagereclaim.co.uk) which has changed my entire outlook on life. I realise that sometimes we go through difficult things in our lives and sometimes we are forced to look inwardly and see that there are aspects of our personality that need to change in order to achieve happiness.
We may have good friends in our lives and family members willing to put it all on the line for you but sometimes it makes less of a difference what these people say than you making that change yourself.
By reading stories of women who were able to build themselves up after being broken down I've been able to look at myself and realise that there are so many things that I've never dealt with in myself.
I never understood why people place so much emphasis on relationships, why break-ups are such a big deal.
I realise now that being in a relationship, especially one that you're totally invested in means having to share yourself and having to stare at yourself in a mirror and ask yourself if you like what you see. Many people feel like they lose themselves in a relationship or that they learned things they never knew about themselves.
As you know by now I've just been through a break-up which shook me to the core because he was my first love.
This has prompted me to go on a journey of finding out who I am and what I want.
I feel like I need to rediscover myself, or even find out who I was to begin with.
I want to tackle issues like self-esteem, complacency, loneliness, compatibility and love, both self-love and external love.
I invite you all to come on this journey with me and share your own thoughts on happiness, love and discovering one's self.

Why can't I get over you?

Break-ups are so common place. It is estimated that the average person will go through six break-ups in their lives. Everyday I hear about people breaking up and making up, I watch movies about it, I especially watch weird slow motion music videos about it where a hot video girl runs down a road or throws a vase of flowers at the singer.

But why does it hurt so much when it happens to you?
I've tried to isolate the emotions so that I know exactly what I'm dealing with.

1. Ego
A relationship ending is first and foremost a huge upper cut to the ego. You want to believe that you did everything right and were a very good girlfriend. You want to believe that you tried your hardest so when someone says that they don't want to be with you anymore its difficult to accept. You also feel really small because trust me atleast every person in your workplace, extended family and even car guards at your usual shopping centre will ask where your significant other is and then you'll have to repeat over and over and over again that you and him broke up.

2. There goes the Eurotrip
Most of all its a loss of hopes, dreams, plans and expectations. You feel lost and unable to figure out what you want and how to go about doing it because so much of your relationship focused on the future. There would have often been conversations like "One day when we're rich we'll book that Eurotrip for the two of us." or "One day we'll get a nice two-bed with a small garden." Down to 'We totally have to watch X Men when it comes out!" So now all of a sudden you don't know who you're going to do these things with or even worse if you even still want to do them.

3. Weather for cuddling
It sucks when you get home and usually your significant other might come over and you guys wouldn't do anything but lie in front of the TV and cuddle. Somehow you didn't feel like a hermit when you were doing that with him but doing it alone makes you feel like a crazy cat lady. There seems to be so many hours to fill yet when you think about it the two of you did very little. You stayed in bed till 11am on a Sunday, you ate, went back to bed, ate again, watched Carte Blanche and the 8 o' clock movie and then went back to bed. So howcome Sunday feels like an arid desert of nothingness without him?

4. Mindpower
You convince yourself, when your in a relationship, that your significant other knows your mind. He has some strange voodoo that allows him to know exactly what you're thinking, allows him to see when you're angry or hurt. He knew just how to calm you down and make you feel better. He told you, you were beautiful and made you feel like the smartest person in the world. He was always there when you needed him. If I'm honest I guess we wouldn't be broken up if he knew me that well, he'd have seen how unhappy I was and him not being there for me wouldn't have been one of the reasons we always fought but no matter how bad I know it was it just downright sucks not having someone like that to text, or call or post on their Facebook wall.