To begin our Tyler Perry film study. The real title is Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a marriage counsellor. As all Tyler Perry movies it is titled with his name because as we all know he's actually Oprah dressed as a man. The title also has a sub-title 'Confessions of a Marriage Counsellor'. In the entire movie there is no point at which the marriage counsellor confesses, so this already confused me a little.
Enough with the title. The movie opens up with a white couple arguing in therapy, the marriage counsellor guesses that the wife is having an affair and decides to tell her a story. This is where I get confused with the term confession, the counsellor is not confessing to her client, she tells her the story as though it happened to her sister. Also all of this is extremely unethical!
It's like Tyler Perry sits on his toilet with his laptop, with copies of 'Psychologies', 'Essence' (so that he can really get into the black female mind), 'Cosmopolitan' (so that he can write from the perspective of morally corrupt white women). After skim reading those he types in the words 'hot', 'black' and 'men' into google so that he gets satisfactory males leads. Then types in 'black' and 'woman' so that he can get any type of black female lead. In this case the lead, Judith is played by emaciated Jurnee Smollet-Bell, who was cute as a kid in Eve's Bayou but is still trying to pull those precocious kid faces in her twenties. Brandy Norwood is in it as a mysterious, troubled woman signified by the fact that she covers up with a hoodie and wears 'lesbian boots'.
The only thing that got me through this movie was the fact that my friend had snuck brandy into the theatre and laced my slushie with it (the drink not the actress). This movie was so boring that when the time came for the naive Judith to try sniffing a line of cocaine with the rich playboy Harley I literally scramed at the screen 'Don't do it!!!!'. Not because I was worried for the protagonist but because once that line was sniffed I knew that would add on another 3 hours to the length of the movie.
All the characters are wooden and just downright stupid! The protagonist, Judith has a master's degree in psychology and is working as an in-house thereapist at a glorified brothel. Questons that sprung to mind were: Why doesn't she work at a state facility in the first place, which is what she's doing at the end of the film? Why does an educated girl allow herself to have unsafe sex and become a drug addict? Why is the entire climax of this movie based on a one in a million coincidence? Why does Vanessa Williams have a terrible French accent in it.
I'd have to say the one good thing about this movie was Kim Kardashian. She was absolutely sublime with a great onscreen presence and brilliant comic timing. She lit up the screen as Ava and her beauty captivated the audience...NOT! You know a movie is really really bad when the best thing about it happens to be Kim Kardashian.
I watched a really interesting documentary on BBC lifestyle the other day, shown as part of their extraordinary people aka freaks that we can gasp and laugh at season. The documentary was called 'India's ladyboys' and told the story of a group of Hijras living in a squalid flat in Bangalore, India.
In India Hijras are sometimes considered to be a third sex, this is in no way official but it is difficult to describe them as anything but. They are a subculture that includes cross-dressers, transgenders, drag queens, hermaphrodites and eunuchs.
The documentary featured a small group of Hijra's which then leads on to the wider spectrum of the entire community. By the end of the documentary the flatmates travel to Koovagam where there is an annual Hijra festival. The festival has religious roots in that it re-enacts the myth of Lord Vishnu taking the form of a woman to marry the Lord Koothandavar, who gets killed in battle the next day. The second stage of the re-enactment is when the Hijra's must then mourn their symbolic husbands and have their glass bangles broken. The festival also features dance competitions and beauty pagents. The contestants get all dressed up and for a brief moment in time they can flaunt the fact that they are neither man nor woman. The rest of the year they live in secret, if they can pass for women then they are women if they cannot then they continue to dress as men when in public.
The documentary was really touching not only to see the squalid conditions most of the Hijra's live in, the fact that most of them turn to sex-work just to make a living, cut-off from their families who sometimes even threaten to kill themselves should they ever see their sons dressed as women, but also because it is blatently clear how few options these people have in India. I take for granted the society I live in that allows a spectrum of deviations from the "norm". There are so many ways to express who we are, so many groups that will accept us even if our family's did disown us. In India there are none of these options! Homosexuality in itself is taboo therefore being transgender is something viewed with disgust and ridicule. These people get castrated in deplorable conditions because they cannot fit into "normal" India and must therefore fit into the Hijra society. Castration is not gender reassignment and they often experience problems with urination and cannot achieve sexual pleasure. They go through pain both physical and psychological. When you think about it this way, you almost want to say " Just pretend then! Why choose to be this way?!" Yet this illustrates, for me, the fact that it is so clearly not a choice. And how absolutely awful it is to discriminate against someone on the basis of something that they cannot choose.
The first time I watched 'The Land Before Time' I was probably about three or four years old. The film was released in 1988 but back then it took a long time for most films except for the really big Hollywood blockbusters to reach South Africa. Every Friday my dad would rent me a film from the video store in town. I went through lots of animations and goofy comedies starring a host of different animal buddies before my dad finally happened upon 'The Land before Time'. He probably figured that the cover, featuring five cute, little baby dinosaurs would interest me because I liked dinosaurs...and cartoons. Yet there was something about this film that drew me in more than I had ever been drawn in by a film before. Twenty more trips to the video store...to rent the same movie finally convinced my dad that we needed our very own VHS copy. Even when I watch this film now I still cry in all the sad bits, I still get goosebumps every time the narrator talks, get scared by the appearance of sharp-tooth and am filled a bittersweet joy when the baby dinosaurs finally reach the great valley.
It saddens me that in the society of today children are either fed animations that are far too simple for their enquiring minds and when animations do have a hidden sub text they are aimed towards the hordes of the hipster undead who watch 'Spongebob' and 'Adventure Time' and think they were the only ones who got that secret joke. The Don Bluth films of yester year speak of the golden age of animation when the history of immigrants in America in search of the american dream is re-told through a family of musical mice in An American Tale: Fievel Goes West and ofcourse ' The Land Before Time'.
But what is 'The Land Before Time' telling us about ourselves and the world we live in. The message of this film became very clear to me in my most recent viewing. It is quite clearly an exploration of the journey of death and the journey into the after-life. It highlights a fear of all young children and even adults that one day they will have to see their parents die. In the film Littlefoot, a young brontosaurus, is struck with grief after his mother dies from the wounds she incured while trying to save him from Sharp-tooth's attack. In fact all the baby dinosaurs in the film are left alone in some way, mainly because 'the great divide' has seperated them from their guardians. However all the dinosaurs know, from a young age, that their ultimate goal will be to reach The Great Valley, a place unaffected by famine and earthquakes like the world they now live in. I believe 'The Great Valley' represents the afterlife. When Littlefoot's mother tells him how to get there she admits that she has never seen The Great Valley but knows that it exists because as she says " Some things you see with your eyes, others you see with your heart"
Before Littlefoot can begin his journey he first needs to deal with the grief he's holding onto after the death of his mother as well as the guilt about her death. He is counselled by an old, roaming dinosaur called Rooter and then finds purpose in life again when he finds himself taking care of three younger dinosaurs and journeying to the Great Valley. The dinosaurs journey through their dying world and eventually reach the underworld. They journey through the darkness and fear of the underground and emerge in a realm of sputtering volcanoes and tarpits. The darkness possibly symbolises the journey through the mythical underworld in order to appear on the other end. But before the dinosaurs can get to the Great Valley they have to tie up loose ends and defeat the obstacle that holds them back from achieving true happiness. This is sharp-tooth. They concoct a plan to bait him and then drown him in the middle of a deep pond. They succeed and proceed to their destination with the guiding spirit of Littlefoot's mother. When people have near death experiences they do report having being visited by the spirit of a deceased loved one who guided them towards a bright light. The bright light in this case is the glorious sun shining on the lucious, abundant Great Valley. In the Great Valley they are reunited with all their loved ones and as the narration says, lead happy lives. If the unecessary sequels hadn't ruined this image, this theory would be a lot more plausible.
The land before Time is an exploration of the journey through life and death and eventually the aferlife, where one is unencumbered by the guilt and strife experienced in life.
The subtext of this film is probably why I've re-visited it so much over the years when children of today find it so difficult to even remember that they watched 'Sammy's First Adventure' the day before.
It was this very question that had me standing in the airport bookshop feeling slightly embarrassed to approach the cashier with Erich von Daniken's 'Chariots of the Gods'.
I've known about the novel for awhile now, chiefly because of the History Channel show, Ancient Aliens. The recent Ridley Scott film, Prometheus is said to be loosely based on the ideas from 'Chariots of the Gods'. The hypothesis is that in Ancient times, there is no specification here- it could be the era of Ancient Egypt or possibly the time of the Incas or Mayans, it could even be the time of the Dinosaurs or the latter part of World War One, extra-terestrials visited Earth. Now this is where it gets a bit shady. It was possible that they found early humans and used their status as "Gods" to enslave them, making them build structures like the Great Pyramids of Giza and the Nazca line. We don't quite know why they would have done this. T.hey may have needed some observatories, reminders of their time on earth, landing strips etc. According to Ancient Alien theory we don't really need to know why...just how will suffice.
The sub-theory is that not only did Aliens land on earth in 'ancient times' but the homo-sapiens that they came into contact with were not the humans we know today. In fact they looked very different and were primitive and un-thinking, this did not serve the Alien need for a mindless, subservient workforce to build their pyramids so they had to mix their DNA in their mobile, on board labs to create something altogether sublime. An alien-human hybrid that Daniken and Giorgio A Tsoukalos, consulting producer of Ancient Aliens, believe are actually our ancestors! Yes not only was our ancient world defiled by a power hungry alien race and all the structures we consider incredible acts of the human race actually given to us by these darned aliens that we were too poor and too stupid to see as anything but Gods, but we are in fact, The Aliens!
I like Ancient Alien theory not neccessarily because it makes sense or reveals as promised by the Erich von daniken book 'the mysteries of the universe', but rather because its just so entertaining. I am so bored with religions that just want to tell you that God is symbolic and 'in your heart' or 'all around you'. Ancient Alien enthusiasts believe that God really existed and he was an extra-terrestrial astronaut! His flying chariots were really spacecrafts, his garden of Eden was in reality a labratory used for artificially inseminating the primitive human beings with superior Alien sperm so that we may be the more perfect beings we are today. Heck! Even Jesus was an alien, so was Buddha, so was the Grim Reaper. Did you know that even sushi, pickled ginger and wasabi are alien inventions according to Ancient Aliens the series?
Ancient Alien theorists have possibly become just a little too swollen with pride since the series has been renewed for a fifth season. Erich von Daniken's novel, published in 1968, has an air of courage. The courage to put forward a theory that he knew many would scoff at, the bravery to say 'No I dont have all the answers but this is just a theory!' The clarity of mind to include some fuzzy photographs of archeological digs and ancient sculptures so that readers may feel like he's not just getting this from thin air. This is something that the series thoroughly lacks, for that have stopped trying to prove that ancient aliens existed but now seek only to illustrate how they lived, what they did and when they will be returning.
A few days ago I watched 'War Horse', knowing full well that it would be the type of movie that would make me cry as all animal movies do. Seriously there's no animal movie that won't make me cry! I cried in Homeward Bound, Bambi, Two Brothers...when I see animals being emotional and cute the floodgates open!
So that's why I decided to compile a list of my top ten favourite animals in movies.
10. Church the cat from Pet Semetary
This seems like a weird choice but I watched Pet Semetary again recently and this cat has so much personality! It spends the first half of the movie mainly in a glass case and gets its balls chopped off! Then comes back from the dead thanks to the native american burial ground (them native americans always leaving burial grounds lying around) and basically becomes a zombie cat. However even as a zombie cat his personality is still pretty much like a normal cat...cat owners wouls concur that once you've owned a cat the scene where Church drops the mauled rat into the bath is not so horrifying after all the cat kills you've witnessed.
9. Baloo and Bagheera from the Jungle Book
I'm counting these two as one animal because they compliment eachother so well.
Bagheera is so wise and such a cat and Baloo so fun loving and jovial, what more could a feral child ask for?
Also they're Indian so I'm being patriotic.
8. Sebastian the Crab from The Little Mermaid
Sebastian is extremely cool! Not only does he have an awesome accent but he's also loving and protective, gives good advice and is as good a performer as Freddie Mercury! I would have included Ariel too but after thinking about it long and hard I realised she was more human than animal.
7. A Velociraptor from Jurassic Park.
Ok so, I know this is a scary animal and also a dinosaur but if you're thinking that dinosaurs shouldnt have been included on this list they you may as well stop reading now!
Velociraptors became my favourite dinosaur after I watched Jurassic Park, before that I didnt know much about them. I reject the idea of them being covered in feathers as paleontologists have recently suggested and prefer to think of them like this. Lithe, scaly creatures with peircing eyes and human-like intelligence. Also they obviously don't have names because they were running around killing everyone before they barely got acquainted but I'm going to say my favourite is the instigator one that Robert Muldoon is obsessed with.
6. Willy from Free Willy
This Orca is beautiful and seemingly docile despite the fact that in reality Orca's are terrifying, blood thirsty animals. I loved this movie when I was a kid and thought that one day I might become a dolphin trainer and have an orca as my best friend. This is the problem with movies like this though, the point of the movie is overshadowed by the cuteness of the animal so what should have been a catalyst to free orcas actually became an incentive to enslave them.
5. Black Beauty from Black Beauty.
Ok, now would be the time to admit that I was once one of the horse obsessed little girls with the full riding get-up, reading stables and spending every waking moment at the actual stables. I read black beauty when I was proably about 6 or 7 and when the movie came out around that time I fell in love with this horse! All I ever wanted was a black stallion to ride but my parents wouldnt even get me a my little pony toy.
4. Joey from War Horse
Eventhough I just watched this movie this horse is one of my all time favourites! He is so beautiful and clever.
I balled my eyes out when he had to plough the field, in the rain! And pulling the artillery himself to save his horse friend was so compassionate and heroic! this is an amazing horse!
3. Balto from Balto
There had to be atleast one dog on this list and I choose Balto! Balto is hard-working, loyal and sensitive and he was a real dog not just an animated movie. He's also half wolf, as can be seen from the screen shot and therefore dealing with issues of being mixed race, or rather mixed species which makes him complex and broody but also very cool. PS: other wolves I like are Ghost from game of thrones and Akela from The Jungle book.
2. Richard Parker from Life of Pi
Richard Parker, so named because a hunter named Richard Parker found the tiger drinking from a stream and called him Thirsty. When he sold the tiger to the Pondicherry Zoological Gardens the names on the forms got mixed up so the hunter's name was Thirsty and the tiger was named Richard Parker for ever after that. I loved this tiger in the book and the film brought him to life in all his glory. Majestic, powerful and deadly. He shows emotion, and keeps Pi alive but, atypically for most films featuring animals he never stops being a tiger.
1. Littlefoot from The Land Before Time.
Yes a dinosaur is number 1! Littlefoot is the leader of the baby dinosaurs, sensitive, innocent and grieving and that's what makes him the cutest little animal ever. However I actually love all the baby dinosaurs, even Cera. This movie was my childhood! My dad rented it for me 3 times a week for 3 weeks before he realised he was going to have to track down a copy and buy it. I became so obsessed with it that I watched it every night before bed for a whole year, Its a wonder that my VHS didnt get horribly unwound. I started a tradition in the family that every child that came after me also became mildy obsessed with the land before time. My teachers in grade 2 thought I was a child genius after witnessing me tell the story of the little dinosaur who goes on a quest after his mother dies, it was only later that I admitted my plaguerism, never to be believed again. this film is beautiful and for me no other animation matched up to it, not even The Lion King. It didnt sugar-coat death and grief, it was real and yet somehow beautiful. The soundtrack was perfect and the narration, by Pat Hingle, set the tone for a coming of age and profound film.
The bridal shower, bachelorette, kitchen tea, hen party whatever you want to call it, is supposedly meant to be the happiest day of your life bar the actual wedding. What could be better than a room full of women fawning over you, copious amounts of alcohol, possible strippers, gifts of lacy lingerie that would normally cost a fortune?
But that's a bridal shower in the perfect world. In this very down to earth world the bride is fighting with her mom therefore doesnt want her at her bridal shower, the bride's cousin, who's been planning the bridal shower since the bride was 2 years old has completely taken over with a playboy theme and samoosa platters and the 'bridesmaids' who are meant to be planning the bridal shower are in way over their heads, being more used to bring and braais than events described by the bride's cousin as being 'a touch of class'.
So now the lingerie is probably not happening as it should because no one can gauge the bride's bra size, the copious amounts of alcohol needs to rationed so when the alcohol runs out its time for everyone to go home, the possibility of strippers has been dashed by the presence of the bride's mother as has all possible talk of sex toys, sex exploits or basically sex of any kind. On top of that the bride no longer has a functioning bathroom and toilet thanks to what seems to be deranged plumbers.
I can tell you one thing. If I ever get married my bridal shower is going to be sushi and gin and some Jeremy Renner movies. There is no way I ever want anyone to go through this much admin!
Who decided the age which one is supposed to be an adut by?
I mean isnt it totally arbritrary?
There was a time that 21st keys were being handed over to virginal young whippersnappers still living at home. Then it changed to 18 and now it seems as though 14 year olds are buying property and looking at life insurance policies.
According the laws of society especially the Indian laws of Indian society I should be married with two children by now and be buying my parents cars as birthday presents.
Where have I gone off track?
Here's a list of 5 reasons why being an adult sucks...
1.) You can't ask mom and dad for money anymore:
This seems obvious but first lets explore how much of a big deal this is. previously eventhough you may have been earning your own spending money, you probably always spent until you only had 50 cents left in your account and then came along daddy to bail you out when you then desperately needed money for text books. No more! Now even if you have 50 cents you'll just have to deal with it and starve! yes starve! never have I identified more with the term starving artist than now when i am literally starving to death.
In the world of chartered accountants and actuarial scientists this may not be such a big problem because you're one of those people, buying your parents holiday homes with your first salary. In the world of semi-employed would-be journalists this is a major dilemma!
2.) This is a combined sucky reason with why it sucks to no longer be a student:
you can't get discount rates at the zoo. Not only at the zoo, pubs, restuarants, student flights. All things you can't claim anymore because you're a goddamn filthy adult.
3) break-ups are treated as a family crisis instead of a personal issue because you're an adult now and everyone is scared you may never get married. in fact you're treated as an untouchable and every week after your break-up you get calls from not only your mother but grandmother and aunties to check if you've found someone new yet because the scent of the fallen woman is upon you and god forbid you might be trying to support yourself without a husband, you didnt study Bcom afterall.
4.) The point at which you're at your regular place and suddenly realise that the age range has dropped by about 5-8 years. And when you strike up a conversation with the group next to you and they ask how old are you "25" is met with large, awestruck eyes and murmering "Woah...."
5.) Girls Season 1, episode 2- when you start wishing you had AIDs so people would get off your case about finding a job, paying rent and taking an html course.
