Everyone that knows me well knows that I love my cat to the point of obsession. My latest pre-occupation is that he has a little cat girlfriend who comes to visit him at our house. Her name is Muffin, she has long smoky grey fur and blue eyes, she's the perfect little lady. Very fastidious, very dainty, she never meows loudly, mostly just purs. When she comes over my cat, Jesse allows her to eat his food, they run around together, lie next to eachother, stroking eachother's faces, they nuzzle and nose kiss. Recently I witnessed the disturbing sight of Jesse actually mounting Muffin but I wasn't too worried because Jesse's neutered so no risk of unwanted pregnancy.
This morning while cleaning up I found Muffin's collar under our veggie rack. The owner's details were written on the collar so I decided to return it to them. On seeing the collar they were really grateful and Muffin's owner exclaimed "Ohmigosh! thanks! i was looking everywhere for it. I didnt know where he'd lost it!"
I'm sorry, come again? "HE"!!!!
This whole time Muffin was actually a boy and that means my kitten is a homosexual! This is not some kind of deal breaker for me but it is a shock! I didnt even know animals could be gay!
But I've been researching homosexual animals and it turns out that over 1500 animal species practice homosexual or bisexual relationships. Amazon River dolphins sometimes penetrate other males' blowholes! Male bonobo apes practice mastrubation orgies amongst the males and also amongst females. I've always been fascinated by spotted hyenas which comprise a matriarchal society in which the leader is a female with an enlarged clitoris which serves the purpose of being a fake penis. This fake penis then makes her the 'top dog' essentially hyenas are a lesbian society. Some research has found that homosexuality in animals could be caused by lower levels of testosterone in males and higher levels in females. This could explain Jesse and Muffin, Jesse was neutered when he was very young and probably hasn't been producing optimum levels of testosterone but his physique disagrees, he's an extremely big and muscular cat and a killing machine!
But I don't really believe it is a question of hormones. I think its a question of choice. If so many animals practice homosexual behaviour by choice, that we know of, why are we so determined to explain homosexual behaviour in humans surely its nature. Most birds form mating pairs for life and of these atleast 5% are homosexual. Single females often lay their eggs in homosexual couple's nests and the homosexual couple raises the chicks! It reminds me of Ryan Murphy's new sitcom 'The New Normal'.
Either way I guess what I'm trying to say is that eventhough it was a shock to find out that my baby's gay. I'm happy for him and I think it's totally natural.
Wednesday 21 November 2012
Friday 2 November 2012
Anti-Christ : "I should have rented Minotaur"
My local video store had a special for halloween, rent a new release and get a horror for free. There were grannies poring over the synopses of 'The Devil's Rejects' and 'Zombie Cannibal Holocaust'. I had already chosen 'the last exorcism' and was now deciding between 'Minotaur' and lars von Trier's 'Anti-Christ'.
I had always wanted to watch 'Anti-Christ' but after watching the trailer found myself too scared to even try. The plus of 'Minotaur' was that Tom Hardy is in it.
I decided on Anti-Christ.
First we watched 'The Last Exorcism' which was really good until the end which unravelled and seemed like an anti-climax. Then we decided to try Anti-christ. The prologue is enough to unsettle you, a baby falling from an open window while his unattractive parents in the form of Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg bang the hell of eachother (I saw a real penis go into a real vagina!). The grieving couple then go to an isolated cabin in the scariest woods I've ever seen, they put shelter mountain inn to shame! Dafoe puts his wife through a series of gruelling and frankly abusive therapy sessions untiln she eventually embraces the savagery of nature to such an extent that she snaps, crushes his testicles with a block of wood, jerks him off until he ejacultes blood then bolts him to the ground so that he won't leave her. After that you'd have thought he was dead but no. He drags himself into a foxhole symbolising a vagina, is betrayed by a blackbird then eventually has to lie next to his maddened wife as she performs genital mutilation on herself with a pair of scissors. Eventually he runs away only to look back and see an army of face-less women chasing him up the mountain.
If this seems like the ravings of a madman , it is! Lars von Trier is a crazy person, I say this endearingly because i'm actually a fan but this film goes too far. I feel like its saying too little for the film that it is. The savagery seems unfounded. I read that von Trier was coming out of a period of depression when he wrote the film and it is a clear to see. The mood of the film goes from sombre, to morbid to gloomy to sheer terror.
My opinion, watch the film and make up your own mind- just be prepared beforehand, I couldn't have imagined watching the film without having looked up the plot on wikipedia first.
I had always wanted to watch 'Anti-Christ' but after watching the trailer found myself too scared to even try. The plus of 'Minotaur' was that Tom Hardy is in it.
I decided on Anti-Christ.
First we watched 'The Last Exorcism' which was really good until the end which unravelled and seemed like an anti-climax. Then we decided to try Anti-christ. The prologue is enough to unsettle you, a baby falling from an open window while his unattractive parents in the form of Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg bang the hell of eachother (I saw a real penis go into a real vagina!). The grieving couple then go to an isolated cabin in the scariest woods I've ever seen, they put shelter mountain inn to shame! Dafoe puts his wife through a series of gruelling and frankly abusive therapy sessions untiln she eventually embraces the savagery of nature to such an extent that she snaps, crushes his testicles with a block of wood, jerks him off until he ejacultes blood then bolts him to the ground so that he won't leave her. After that you'd have thought he was dead but no. He drags himself into a foxhole symbolising a vagina, is betrayed by a blackbird then eventually has to lie next to his maddened wife as she performs genital mutilation on herself with a pair of scissors. Eventually he runs away only to look back and see an army of face-less women chasing him up the mountain.
If this seems like the ravings of a madman , it is! Lars von Trier is a crazy person, I say this endearingly because i'm actually a fan but this film goes too far. I feel like its saying too little for the film that it is. The savagery seems unfounded. I read that von Trier was coming out of a period of depression when he wrote the film and it is a clear to see. The mood of the film goes from sombre, to morbid to gloomy to sheer terror.
My opinion, watch the film and make up your own mind- just be prepared beforehand, I couldn't have imagined watching the film without having looked up the plot on wikipedia first.
Too Much Information!
Yesterday I went to the recycling dump to, obviously, recycle my paper, plastic and glass trash. When I noteiced an old-ish woman, the wrinkles forming fisssures in her thin skin, furiously ruffling though the various bins of plastic bottles. I decided that she couldn't be a hobo because she was driving a new mercedes benz but she certainly looked like a bag lady. I quietly slipped past her and proceeded to tip my things into the corresponding bins. I like to keep recycling a private matter and become agitated if even the people that work there interrupt me, my friend goes so far as to recycle at night because she "doesn't like anyone to see her recycle".
She came up behind me, giving me a shock! "I know you think I'm a crazy bag lady," she said (how did she know?) "but I'm collecting bottle caps for my son's class project." I guiltily looked at my own caps which now along with the bottles they were attached to were at the bottom of the large, plastics bin. "Don't worry!" she called as she dove in after them. After retrieving the caps she went on to outline the natural science syllabus at her son's school, defame the teachers who gave such short notice for projects, and the rubbish dump man who had forgotten to collect the caps for her, so that she now had to do it herself. All I could think about was, why was she telling me all this? As if to convince me, to make her story valid. But why? who cares? Would it really have mattered if I had thought she was collecting tiny little tumblers for her doll collection or making splash pools for her ant farm.
My point is we all do it, I more than anyone. I care what impression people will have of me even when I know for a fact i will never see them again. I did a secret consumer evaluation of a 5 star hotel recently. When I made the booking I clicked 'mr' instead of 'miss' on the form. When I got to the hotel to check in I had already anticipated confusion or perhaps ridicule from the staff. Before I even handed over my ID I started a long monologue which began well, with the actual story of mistakenly clicking the wrong title but ended with my affirmation that i did not have a sex change in fact I was once an over developed 9 year old who still suffered the trauma of childhood teasing. I looked up to see their shocked faces and also realised that 'too much information' was an understatement.
So I propose just do what you're doing. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone especially not strangers.
She came up behind me, giving me a shock! "I know you think I'm a crazy bag lady," she said (how did she know?) "but I'm collecting bottle caps for my son's class project." I guiltily looked at my own caps which now along with the bottles they were attached to were at the bottom of the large, plastics bin. "Don't worry!" she called as she dove in after them. After retrieving the caps she went on to outline the natural science syllabus at her son's school, defame the teachers who gave such short notice for projects, and the rubbish dump man who had forgotten to collect the caps for her, so that she now had to do it herself. All I could think about was, why was she telling me all this? As if to convince me, to make her story valid. But why? who cares? Would it really have mattered if I had thought she was collecting tiny little tumblers for her doll collection or making splash pools for her ant farm.
My point is we all do it, I more than anyone. I care what impression people will have of me even when I know for a fact i will never see them again. I did a secret consumer evaluation of a 5 star hotel recently. When I made the booking I clicked 'mr' instead of 'miss' on the form. When I got to the hotel to check in I had already anticipated confusion or perhaps ridicule from the staff. Before I even handed over my ID I started a long monologue which began well, with the actual story of mistakenly clicking the wrong title but ended with my affirmation that i did not have a sex change in fact I was once an over developed 9 year old who still suffered the trauma of childhood teasing. I looked up to see their shocked faces and also realised that 'too much information' was an understatement.
So I propose just do what you're doing. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone especially not strangers.
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