Razbliuto

'Razbliuto' is a Russian word to describe that empty feeling you have for someone you once loved, but no longer love.

I've been asking myself if what I'm feeling is Razbliuto. I oscillate between yes, no and maybe. On one hand I feel like no definitely not because I'm still in love with my ex. I must be he was my first love and will always occupy that place in my heart. I still remember the good times, the time we spent together, the feeling of comfort and happiness. But then I think that maybe I remember these things with disappointment. Disappointment that it didn;t continue, disappointment that I can't see him again, disappointment that it never worked out. Perhaps Razbliuto is disappointment. What is more hollow than the hollowness of loss? What is more desolate than the desolation of unfulfilled hopes and dreams? When I think of a broken relationship I think of the vastness of a Siberian wasteland. A place which once contained the foundations of a life and now exists for the sole reason of reminding you what you failed at.